People keep asking me if I know Tyler Durden...

I was out shopping for Witch supplies today, which is always a fun adventure in a rural location with no occult supply shops closeby.

Luckily, I'm crafty.

Get it. Crafty. Oy, I slay myself. Anywho.

HEB has this whole section for crunchy new agey feel-good stuff, so I was able to score some select herbal products, spices, and essential oils, which made me quite the happy dude.

Marching up proudly to the check-out to pay for my purchase, the young lady eyed my purchase and says:

"Lavender? Patchouli? Are you going home to make soap?"

At which point the Fight Club quotes start running through my head, as they often do in these situations, it being one of my favorite movies and all.

So I leaned against the counter and cocked my eyebrow and played along, telling her that I was in fact going home to make soap. Had I had business cards in my wallet, I would have given her one.

"Oh that's so awesome! I was just kidding, but it's great that you make soap. You know, my brother makes soap. He gets lots of teasing for it. Do you use lye? I hear that stuff stinks."

Not being a stranger to the soap-making process, I was able to bluff my way through 5 minutes of soap-talk.

I easily could have said "Oh no, I'm going home to practice Witchcraft." But that probably wouldn't have gone over well.


  1. This totally reminds me of that scene in Season of the Witch where Joan goes to the antique store:

    "Chalice, thurgible, knife; they're all witches' tools, you know."

    "Oh, I'm just interested in it."

    "You're kidding! I mean, I was just kidding."

    "Well, I'm just interested in it."

    "Hey, that is really great."

  2. Fun Fact: The rituals in the movie came out of Paul Huson's Mastering Witchcraft.

  3. I acquired a copy of that book, and saw that movie, during the same summer when I was 10, which made for a very interesting vacation.

    Teacher: "What did you do this summer, Veles?"

    Me: "Well, I tried conjuring Vassago, but I didn't have any of the stuff to make Mercurial incense."

    Teacher: "????????????????"

  4. I swear, I'm the only freakin' Witch in the world who didn't try to conjure Vassago at that age. Obviously, I was reading the wrong library books.

  5. ...Apparently the Libraries in Texas are MUCH hipper than the ones in Anchorage, AK ever were?!


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