Wicca: A Spanx Free Religion

Are you a Wiccan with serious misgivings about your practice?  Do your gods feel like empty shells you just can't relate to?  Does that Druidry dress feel so much more comfortable, even though you have your heart set on this pair of Wiccan jeans you know you won't be able to button?  Are you sad and depressed that your initiator had a false lineage?  Are you having to yank, and push, and stretch, and pull, and alter everything about Wicca to make it fit?  

Step right up folks, because I have the solution to all your Wiccan problems.

Walk away from it.

No, really.  Seriously.  For the love of all that is holy, just drop it already.

In the ever-widening circus tent that is the modern occult movement, there are lots of outfits.  Hellenic frocks, Traddie Snuggies, Thelemic Thongs, Cabot Caftans, Feri Sparkly Shawls, Satanic Hot Pants, and even, unfortunately, some people running around in bathrobes.

If Wicca fits, and it does fabulously for a lot of people, it will fit as easily as your own naked skin does.  (See what I did there?)

If it doesn't, hey, that's not a bad thing.  Wicca isn't the gold standard of Paganism.  Hell, it's not even the gold standard of witchcraft.  (Hint:  There are no gold standards)  I'm willing to bet that one of those other outfits will probably make you look your absolute best.  You also, depending upon skill and resources, have the option to make your own.  Just please don't try to pass it off as Prada and start selling reproductions to your friends.  It's tacky.

Because I'm generous, I'll share a super mystical secret with you.  A secret you won't find in any published sources.  A secret that will save you from an awful lot of heartache and stress for the rest of your life.

If you have to constantly struggle to make it work, it never will.  

It's true of relationships.  It's true of religions.  It's true of just about everything.

So here's the challenge:  bag up those Wiccan jeans that don't fit, and that you never quite liked anyhow, and toss them.  For a lark, go try on the most crazy, outlandish thing you can find, and pick the outfit that suits you best.

But please stop blaming Wicca because it doesn't fit you.

It doesn't need to change to accommodate you.  You need to change your assessment of your religious outlook and needs.

If you can manage that, and I'm certain that all legitimate religious seekers can, everyone will be a whole lot better off.


  1. I wholeheartedly endorse this message! I now wear a fabulous patchwork.

  2. Oh dear, I might be wearing a bathrobe.

  3. Turns out I was just wearing the wrong style. The bell-bottoms weren't working for me at all, no matter how I tried to accessorize them, but these jeggings are just fabulous! ;)

  4. I'm fairly certain that if any pagan path were to be embodied by the Snuggie, it would be Kitchen Witchcraft, where I have startlingly found myself with the Soccer Moms...

    This was a really great post Mr. :)


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