Snark Arcana

I'm currently dealing with a minor job-related frustration. And by minor, I mean the sort of problem you'd like to set on fire while you enjoy a nice beverage. There are a number of reasons for this current situation: workplace politics, personality clashes, Mercury retrograde, small people with big egos in honorary positions of power who like to play fuck-fuck with people they don't like.

I've utilized the mundane solutions I have at my disposal to varying degrees of success, so I decided to seek otherworldly council.

I get my cards, light some incense, and start to shuffle. I ask my question. What follows is inspired by actual events.

Me: "What should I do about..."

Cards: "Ugh, you again? I'm sleeping."

Me: "Well, I need your advice about..."

Cards: "Quit."

Me: "You don't like the way I shuffle?"

Cards: "No, quit  your job. Move on. Do something else. It's the easiest way to stop the problem."

Me: "But I don't really want to.."

Cards: "Then stop complaining about it if you won't walk away from it. Utilize the system to fix the problem."

Me: "Should I do something magically to...."

Cards: "Duh!"

Me: What kind of..."

Cards: *sprays out a number of cards that basically say to choose a course of action and roll with it*

Me: "Anything else I should know?"

Cards: "Now isn't a good time to get pregnant."


  1. Generally when we find ourselves in these sorts of conversations, the Tarot follows up "Quit" with "join the priesthood; seek the mysteries" ad infinitum. It makes me think the original Golden Dawn were quite snarky and had a tarot recruitment plan.


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