Justify My Stupidity

When I was in college, I really liked this boy. Okay, okay, I was obsessed with this boy and wanted him to like me. Turns out, he didn't like me, not in that way. He probably also didn't like me in a "friend" way either, though he did like that I had money I was willing to spend on him and took lots of opportunities to spend time with me so that I could do just that. But I digress. Like Gillian Owens, I have the worst taste in men, but I didn't know that at the time. You never do. 

I'd been witching long enough to know all of the warnings about love spells and how they are very bad ideas and one really just shouldn't do them. I knew all of this, and acknowledging that knowledge, proceeded to go right ahead and do the thing I knew better than to do. 

I was also super gay. As in, away from home and able to be mega gay for the first time in life and catching up on all of that gayness I didn't get to do in high school. This lead to a lot of new musical interests and hair product. I tell you this because I took Madonna's song "Justify My Love" as inspiration for the spell I ended up working. 

Yeah, yeah, I know, wanna fucking fight about it? 

Needless to say, things did not end well. Things ended up being a huge fucking mess that I still sometimes find myself cleaning up after, especially when trying to pursue healthy relationships now that I'm an adult. (HA! and HA! again)

I tell you all of this, at the risk of much personal embarrassment, because the song came on the radio this morning as I was driving home from work. It's the first time I've listened to the song since the working. Are you hearing those lyrics? I took those words and lit candles and invited a great big pile of WTF to dump itself all over my naive twenty year old self. JUSTIFY MY LOVE? I could slap me for having been so dumb as to not grasp the desperation behind the lyrics or in myself. Sure the music and video are sexy, but fuck. 

I like to think I've learned a thing or six since then. I'll let you know when I'm forty.

Young witches - we weren't all stupid, except when we so very painfully were. 


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