Sunday, January 8, 2017

Are you there, H? When Gods Leave

I believe that Gods and spirits are independent forces with free agency.

Well, I'm not sure if I *believe* it, but it makes the most sense given my relationship with various deities over the years. That free agency bit makes it hard for me to say who they are, what they are, or to try to put them in a neatly wrapped box.

Sometimes that free agency means you have to break up with them. Sometimes it means that they are going to break up with you. Sometimes you are going to remain friends forever, but you are both so busy with other things that you don't have time to eat pizza and get drunk every weekend like you used to.

Athena...Bast...Auset....The Morrigan...Dionysus...each one came into my life and I had such visceral experiences with them that I thought it was going to be a permanent and forever thing. They still have a place, though my devotion has been inactive for many years now. If they showed up tomorrow and wanted something from me, it would get done.

I haven't read every Pagan/Witch/Wiccan/Occult/Magic book or blog in the world, but I have read a lot. I have yet to read anything that addresses how to process the experience of a much loved deity moving on.

Do you maintain worship when no one is home? Do you keep a shrine for someone who isn't going to be visiting for a while or maybe ever again? Do you send out the Woo equivalent of a text that you know will be read but probably not responded to?

I don't have any answers.

I did have a dream about a year ago where a woman who looks very much like a Goddess I've been devoted to for over a decade handed me one of a particular thing she's frequently depicted carrying and told me "You know the way. I have an emergency to tend to."

Considering how 2016 played out, She wasn't kidding.

I think of Her daily. I chant her names on the New Moon and I light candles and incense now and then. I don't think She's left, not really. My prayer and worship are to the Lord and Lady of Wicca, first and primarily. Though I identify as a polytheist, I have struggled with worshiping Gods outside of Wicca in non-Wiccan ways. I'm really not cut out to be a reconstructionist in any kind of meaningful way.

"You think yourself into too many corners" She tells me.

If that ain't me.


2 comments:

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  2. Like you, I've had deities come into my life with powerful experiences, and then had little else beyond it. It's frustrating, sometimes. I set up shrines for many of Them, offering them hospitality, but sometimes They just don't avail Themselves of it, for whatever reason.

    I've long understood that you can have a working, or temporary relationship with a deity, and have it remain just that. Not everything is meant to be. But I've also been brushed past by many who were the Lords and Ladies of associates and friends. I've been touched by deities at public rituals whom I normally would never have met. When I feel like something deeper could be afoot, or I felt kinship to another person, or I'm in a situation where I need to establish a connection, I set up a shrine. And over time, they just...took over.

    I believe so strongly in hospitality that it left me in a place where I was -so- trepidatious about taking them down that things just sat at a kind of detente. My anxiety wouldn't let me do anything one way or the other.

    The black moon in October 2016 gave me the space to think and act. I had to stop and take stock of the whole thing. As much as I respect those gods who came, they'd also gone. My household gods felt crowded by the others. And I came to realize as long as I did it respectfully, and with love and thanks, I could take down those shrines that were not needed or used anymore. And I did. Those gods who guested in my home were not offended.

    TL;DR? Do some plumbing of depths. Send out one more ping into the aether, as you have been, letting them know you need some kind of closure, if they aren't going to continue. Thank them for their company, leave the door open for them to return if they want, but if you get wind and ghosts - close those shrines and reclaim that space and energy for something else.

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